|Posted by Cynthia Johnson on May 15, 2012 at 12:05 AM|
By Sydney Chhabra, Ph.D.
It is only when I stop trying to control that my life flows smoothly...
Sounds simple enough, yet why do we struggle to let go and let life unfold? So you detest being micro-managed yet that's exactly what you do to yourself. Trying to control each aspect of life, researching and strategizing to make sure each decision is the correct decision so the outcome can be predicted. You don't want to be caught off guard. You want to be ahead of the game. You want to know what to expect at every turn. You don't want to make a mistake. Sound like someone who likes surprises? Heck no!! If you're a bit of a control freak, you are not someone who likes surprises, unless they are planned in advance!
In relationships or dating situations do you call your friends after a date or conversation with a love interest and then proceed to dissect each word or gesture and ask, "Can you believe he said this or did that?" "What do you think she meant?" You drive yourself nuts trying to become a mind reader or better yet, you have your psychic on speed dial to help you figure out the answers.
So what's behind this deep desire to constantly be in control? FEAR. Fear that the outcome will be different than what you want (because of course only you know what's the best outcome for you). Predictability provides comfort and familiarity but excludes the possibility of other wonderful, exciting, and meaningful experiences from entering our lives. You want to live a safe and predictable existence. You believe there is one specific path to making this happen so you continue to micro-manage. "I will be happy if everything goes exactly the way I want" or "if everyone would just do what I want".
Deep down you don't believe that the universe will provide the right path if your intended plans don't work out. You spend countless hours thinking and planning. You reflect on your past and anxiously await the future. There is no awareness or enjoyment of the present, the now. Your anxiety rises and there isn't enough Xanax in world to help you learn to surrender and let go. There is no peace inside you. Ironically, the more energy you spend attempting to control people or events in your life, the less you actually feel in control.
When you learn to surrender, you cease trying to control others. You stop fighting and resisting this vast, powerful universe and go with the natural flow. Surrender means you accept what is and have faith that by following the natural order of events, you will be lead down the path that is right for you. It doesn't mean that you make no effort to do anything anymore but rather you put forth your best effort and then allow the "how", "when", and "where" of what will happen to unfold in the future.
Learning to go from control to surrender can be challenging but it is certainly possible. The key is to understanding your fears. Has every mistake you've ever made ended in a disastrous outcome? Have you ever veered off path only to discover something or someone so wonderful or magical that you would never have encountered if you hadn't had to detour from your planned route? By allowing yourself to let go and become more receptive to what the universe has to offer, you may well be surprised (in a good way) at where or with whom you find yourself. Only with a sense of peace in your heart and mind can your creativity and magnetism flow to draw what the universe has to offer. Let go and let life flow!
Sydney Chhabra, Ph.D. is a seasoned Psychologist and Personal Life Coach with 20+ years of experience! Sydney has a very warm and personable style of communication and takes a very practical approach in life coaching.http://www.midlifecoachingforwomen.com